Do we make them up? Are they people we have seen, but don’t remember? Will I meet this person in my future?
These are the questions about dream interpretation that I answer almost daily. The answer to the first question is easy. No, we do not make them up; our psyche makes them up. That’s what the psyche does: it creates images of our inner psychic processes. By psychic processes, I mean our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and dreams. A psychic process is anything that happens in our mind at both the conscious and unconscious levels.
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The people in our dreams are reflections of our unconscious life – a life that demands to be recognized and lived. By this I mean these strangers in our dreams are actually images for the unknown – the strange – parts of our own personalities.
This is actually true for most of the figures in our dream world. In dreams, our friends and lovers, our adversaries and family members – all of them are aspects of ourselves. Don’t get me wrong here. I say most because sometimes dreams do reveal something about the people we know. We’ll cover that in another post. For now, keep in mind that those dreams are not as common.
As I said, strangers in dreams are inner, psychic figures, not actual figures from so-called real life. I always appreciate these dreams because I know they are truly showing me something about an unseen side of myself.
Shadow figures can represent everything we have rejected, denied, or never knew about ourselves. The idea is to get a feel for these unknown figures: what are they doing? How are they acting? Do you admire or despise them?
The more viscerally these dream strangers affect you, the better you should get to know them – otherwise, they will act out in your life autonomously. For example, you’ll say or do the very thing you wish to avoid. This is the nature of the unconscious. People who have no awareness of their unconscious leave a sort of dirty trail behind them, one which everyone sees except them.
Once you get to know the qualities of these unknown dream figures, you have to find a way to integrate that information that into your conscious life. As Jung used to say, “we have to find a way let our shadows live” rather than push them away (obviously he meant without succumbing to deranged behavior).
C.G. Jung writes extensively about the shadow throughout the Collected Works, but if I had to recommend some starter books, I’d go with Man and His Symbols and Volume 7 of the Collected Works, Two Essays in Analytical Psychology. Both of them are approachable. The shadow is that part of our personality that includes everything we have rejected or denied about ourselves. Remember, that what we reject or deny can include both our light and dark sides. Here’s a funny dream about meeting my own shadow.
Everything she said sounded like a “pitch.” And even though I did not like her, I felt compelled to impress her. It was like I needed her to be impressed by me. Then I said, “you know, I was actually going to apply for a job here,” even though working for her was the last thing I wanted to do. And when I said that she said, “you know I was thinking, you look like you really need a new bed. Let me just show you these beds.”
She pulled out an invoice on a clipboard and showed me a bed that was $3500. And she said in a smarmy voice, “I really think it’s time you got yourself a better bed.” And I said to her, “you know, I have been saying the same thing. And this time, I am going to spend the money on a good bed.”
Long before we discovered Nespresso machines, my husband and I used to have separate coffee pots because of how we each liked our coffee. Every night, I would clean mine out and get it ready for the next morning. I loved getting up to my coffee pot ready to go. My husband, however, left his overnight and got up every morning and did it. For some silly reason, this really bothered me.
One night before I bed I said, “wouldn’t it be nice to wake up every morning to a ready-made coffee pot?” He looked up at me with this, “get out of my business” kind of look and suddenly I heard that annoying woman from dreams! I realized that there was a certain way that I spoke to my husband whenever I wanted him to do something that *I* thought he should do. I literally broke down laughing in that moment, telling my husband the whole story.
Needless to say, I think twice before I offer my unsolicited opinion to ANYONE.
Dreams about having close friends who are not people we know in the real world are very special dreams. These inner people are also unrecognized or undeveloped aspects of your own personality – a shadow personality of a different sort than our not-so-pretty sides. Our best friends in dreams are what I call our inner gold.
Unknown best friends will appear in our dreams as people whose character we admire, people we think are cooler than we are. They are the people that we want to be like. Our best friends in dreams can even appear as celebrities, most especially in the dreams of those who have too low of a self-image.
Now, if you can get a feel for these characters, then you can get feel for what qualities are missing from your psychic economy, so to speak. The feeling of happiness and belonging that we feel with such inner figures is the feeling we would have living in our own skin, if we can only recognize and integrate their qualities as our own. We can also discover our missing qualities in the people we are attracted to, whether they are lovers, friends, or mentors.
Anytime you feel an uncanny attraction to someone, whether in the dream world or external world, recognize that some undeveloped or unseen quality in yourself wants to be realized in your life.
These people had come in as “captors”. They had overpowered me psychologically and were telling me all of the things they were going to do to torture and rape me. They were pushing me around physically also. I feared the black man in particular. Everyone had warned me against messing with him.
At one point, the two women had me on a rope/chain. They were pulling me around the back yard. They were being mouthy. I felt afraid. All of the sudden, I realized that submitting to them was pointless because they were going to have their way with me no matter what. I realized that I knew martial arts and could easily overpower both of these women at the same time, while on the rope. So, I did. I beat them up. Nothing happened. They did not even fight back. I thought surely that I’d pay for that. But, afterward, each of the men was nice to me. My best friend from college (a man) showed up at the end. I was happy to see him.
To dream of someone breaking into your home is to see the kind of forces that autonomously break into your mind, for example obsessive thoughts or fears.
When you have these dreams about strangers breaking into your home, take a careful look at dream figures. Are they helpful or harmful? Try to see them in light of your conscious situation.
Let’s take a look at how to interpret the dream I just shared with you.
This is the dream of a 43 year-old woman who was about one year into analysis. She suffered from anxiety and depression fueled by self doubt and self loathing. In addition to that, she experienced night terrors – attacks in the middle of the night with horrible thoughts about her own worthlessness.
Women who have grown up around cold, bitchy women tend suffer in their relationships with women. They draw into their lives, women who are just like their family members: jealous, petty women who betray and mistreat them in various ways. I am very sad to say that women betraying each other is the source of many a woman’s suffering.
By the time of this dream, the woman was realizing that she had a group of women friends who put enormous pressure on her, constantly calling her friendship into question, burdening her with their obligations, talking behind her back, and constantly making snide comments to her. In short, the women she called friends were exactly like the women in her family.
When she realizes that she knows martial arts, she used it against these women in her dreams. Martial arts was a symbol for psychic self-defense. Not only did she beat up those horrible women, she also wrapped them in the chains and beat them into a pulp.
Similar to dreams about death, this is symbolic image for overcoming a powerful complex in her psyche. She broke up all of the energy that had been bound in that complex. Anytime we so something like this, all of that freed up energy flows back into us.
And notice what happens when after she did this? The mysterious black man’s behavior changes, and then an old friend enters. He was a source of power for the dreamer, but he would not be in her service until she took care of those nasty inner voices. Again, this is an image for a powerful shift in her consciousness. Her night terrors began to subside, and naturally, she broke the chains of unhealthy relationships with women.
What I like about a bar is that while it’s a public place, when you can sit with another person, deeply engaged in conversation. A bar can actually be quite intimate.
So, the image suggests the possibility of an intimate, but public connection. Now you have to figure out what this could mean for you. He is an unknown factor in yourself.
Now, let’s look at drinking. Wine, as well as any type of alcohol, represents the fiery aspect of water. By that I mean, alcohol is symbolic of the spirit of emotion – a fiery passion in life. In these dreams, you share the spirit of life with this man.
In a woman, a male figure in a dream often represents her ability to step into the world and take her place in it. So, what was he like? Could you get a feel for him. Was he an artist or a business man? Those are just loose examples. When she’s connected with that quality in herself, then she can stand on her own in the world. She feels a spirited passion for her life and her work in it that is unrelated to any external relationship. She is solely herself and fulfilled.
This was the dream of an artistic woman who had lost contact with her muse.
Any woman connected to that inner other is virtually unbreakable. That doesn’t mean that she does not experience suffering – only that suffering does not break her; and therefore, she is unafraid of it.
However, too many women get caught up in thinking their soulmate is someone out there. Not that there aren’t many soulmates out there – but the one is within.
If you cannot see this man in your dream could indicate that you haven’t made a solid connection to that place in yourself yet. However, the dream is a good sign that you’ve at least made contact. Maybe you are considering taking some action in the world. If so, this would be a good sign that you headed in the right direction.
That you and he are sharing this moment in a public place is another good indication that your connection will establish your seat “out there – in life”.
The encounter with the unknown lover is a common theme in women. What I have seen most often, both in myself and in the women I have worked with is that this kind of dream encounter is about becoming one within yourself. Sometimes we long for a partner who will fulfill what’s missing and think that “becoming one” is finding that soul-mate who makes us whole. But the real prince charming is within.
When we can realize those qualities he represents in ourselves, then we find that thing about which we are most passionate. It’s the thing in life that makes us feel most at home just being yourself.
To get a clue about those qualities, notice the attraction you feel for certain types of men. Or recall a time when you fell in love at first sight, only later to find out that man was nothing like you’d imagined. The qualities you thought that saw in him were really your own.
There are cases of dream lovers where we should be cautious. Here is the dream of a married woman in her mid-thirties, who often fantasized about leaving her husband.
I will probably dedicate an entire post to our dreams about lovers, but for now let’s look at the instance of what is often called the Demon Lover. I’ll be talking about it in terms of a woman, but men can also have demon lovers.
I said in the beginning that this woman had fantasies of leaving her husband for some other man: her imagined ideal man. This kind of dream is an image for her seductive fantasy life – a fantasy that makes her believe that her real soul mate is still out there somewhere, waiting for her to find him. I know this is a familiar fantasy for a lot of women because I see it all of the time. This is the woman who longs to be rescued, seen, scooped up and taken away.
If you know the story of Bluebeard, he is the archetypal process we are talking about here. In the story, a woman falls in love with a wealthy stranger who marries her and takes her away to his castle. Once trapped in this far away place, she realizes this man has murdered all of his previous wives.
She makes it out of her situation in the end, but barely. The dream I shared here is a modern version of that same psychological dynamic in a woman. It will destroy any woman who falls into it.
As I said above, the soulful lover whom many a women seek is within her. Turn inward and discover who that is for yourself.
All of the stories are similar: a divine figure, dressed as beggar knocks on doors and asks for help. Most of the people do not give it – some out of fear, others out of selfishness. The people who do end up helping the divine stranger are always poor in materialistic terms, but rich in spirit. In the end, they find out who the stranger is and they are always greatly rewarded with gold and other treasures, and some of them, even with immortality.
Whenever the divine makes an appearance in these stories, there is usually something dreadfully wrong with the world. People have lost hope. Their life force no longer flows into anything because they no longer have any meaning in their lives – something like the situation T.S. Eliot describes in his poem the Wasteland.
I will never forget one of my dreams about someone knocking on my door:
I knew the tragedy of what I done even when I awoke. It took me some time before I realized that I was actually doing this in my life: closing the door on gifts from the Universe. It was a painful realization for me. I felt horrible.
I see this again and again in my clients. They fail to recognize the significance of their dreams or of amazing synchronicities in their lives. If you do the same thing, it is at your own loss.
Whenever a person dreams about an Unknown Visitor, he or she should open the door and see who it is. Even if you closed the door in the dream, or, were afraid to open it – there’s still a message to the dream: something wants to come into your life.
I was recently asked by a young woman what it meant that she had a recurring dream of screaming every time a stranger knocked on her door.
That she screamed whenever someone knocked seemed to indicate a resistance to whoever or whatever wants to come in. If this kind of imagery sounds familiar to you, then I would ask you to reflect on how you might be stuck in your life. What are you afraid to do? How much does fear play into your life decisions?
Always remember that every dream is an image for something that wants to come in. It is an aspect of yourself. Open the door and invite it in. He or she may be bearing gifts that will change your life.
Even if it’s something scary as hell, it is better to know about it than to be unconscious of it. Let it come in.
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Hi there,
yesterday I had dream. I met three people in my dream two men and one women, all there were working on some project like Cleaning trees with water pipes and that all water came into my home. So I just objected and told to work carefully. Interestingly one was authoritative and said no however others two were normal and all three came to my home through balcony. Then authoritative, Other men was friendly good nature and women was very caring to me. I find it so weird but when I actually analyzed. all three people exists in my life mother always very disciplined and strict, my husband very friendly and funny and my daughter is very caring towards me. what's your opinion.
Hello Miss Jesamine, I had a dream about 2 people 1 boy and a lady, I saw their heads. The next day I saw the boy at a restaurant I was going to say hi to him because I concluded that there is some sort of connection between us. But he was looking down at his phone so I did not. What does this mean?
I have a question. I had a dream, this dream showed 3 different people. All these people are unknown to me. I don't know them and wouldn't even be sure if they are real. They seems so real, they knew me extremely well. In this dream there was a guy, but he keeps popping up in my dreams although i don't know him, what does this mean?
Hi Jesamine,
Thanks for providing the analysis above, it’s really interesting.
I woke up today from the following dream:
I dreamed that the I was talking to a nice, kind man that was around my age at a table (a bit like a cafe setting/public building for arts). He mentioned he had cake as it was his birthday and I offered to get a lighter from the kitchen which he thought was strange but I told him I lived there and had been wanting to move for years. I realised I was in my night clothes so was not dressed which is totally not me as I would never leave the house without being groomed even if my whole world is crashing internally. I didn’t realise and was just sitting comfortably chatting to this warm, friendly man. I got the lighter from the kitchen and had a birthday cake which was small cakes spelling the word (they sell a cake like that at the food store) and I was going to put a candle on each to light when I woke up.
It was as if I was in two worlds and maybe I was a ghost. It appeared that the place we were sitting was my home but converted to a public space (cafe of a public building - a place where courses were run) but when I went to get the lighter, it was from my own kitchen as it was in my home currently. A bit like the movie 'Just Like Heaven'.
Background
* I have experienced many challenges in my life over the lat 10 years.
* The pandemic has been one of the most challenging years as I lost everything - job,
broke
* I had been wanting to leave the place I was living for years but not been able to due for
one reason or another but mainly financial. I have seen other places but not taken the
leap. In fact I saw something recently.
* I feared that I will never be in a position to move as it was all on different factors
* I’m a bit like the woman described in your description above - the black sheep of the
family, the one people don’t listen to or respect but my words and suggestions always
prove to be right, siblings put on a pedestal, people use me and take advantage of my
good nature
* I have struggled with loneliness, depression and suicidal ideation at times. Life should
be for living not merely existing.
* Recently I have felt so trapped (physically/mentally/financially) as unless one thing
changes everything else will stay the
same. Eery time I try to find a solution or way out of the situation something happens to
prevent me moving forward
* Some positive things had started to happen recently and I thought I would try to ride
the wave of positivity only to have this sabotaged by family. My family offered to help
out which I appreciated but accepted reluctantly as their help is conditional on what
they think I need. They had offered a small loan to help me purchase an item which
would aid with work only to revoke this offer at the point I was going to purchase the
item because they felt it was not the right thing for me and they would only agree to
something they felt suitable. They treat me like a child rather than a fully grown adult
and use my circumstances to look down on me. I was crushed. I felt so down and
deflated after this. It was as if their actions would jinx the other positive things that were
happening for me at the time. I really wanted this item and felt that it would be a step
forward.
* I have become tired of picking myself up after let downs. I used to be a person full of
life, ambitious and always helping others.
* Ironically, an acquaintance told me a few years ago that they sensed that although I was
good at what I do they sensed a lack of self confidence and hat I may be risk adverse.
Another acquaintance told me years ago that if I didn’t take a chance or make the leap to
move from the place making me unhappy I would always be that person left at the
harbour watching the boats leave and never getting on one. They were both right. I had
changed and lost my lust for life and was just coasting in auto pilot after a bad
relationship which had opened up wounds and behaviours from my upbringing.
Maybe this dream is reflective of my fear of never leaving the unhappy place I am living and all my dreams and hopes down the drain. I become a ghost just keeping others happy that frequent the place that no one came to visit in my waking life. I am that person that always likes helping people even a stranger (he was more like the friend I never had as he didn't feel like a stranger) celebrate their (it may have been my birthday) birthday by lighting candles. I would be interested to know what you think?
What a great exposition. I got to your website through google search immediately I woke up from a dream I had in a 2min sudden nap. I layed on my bed praying seriously for some help in my waking life against some troubles I am going through. I kept calling on Orunmila, the deity of wisdom in yoruba to help me. At a point, I went into an unconscious state and felt a hard push against my body. I then saw myself in a room with my twin standing in a corner while I was at the door trying to prevent an unknown being who was pushing hard to force itself in. I was pushing back as well. All of a sudden, it over-powered me. The being entered and turned out to be a man dressed in a yoruba traditional atire (buba and sokoto with cap). While he was entering, someone who seemed to be my twin(not clear) in waking life asked me in the dream if I said a word to the person as if my word attracted the unknown person. But when the being entered and I saw it was a human as earlier described, I calmed down. He then looked around while still standing by the door in the room. He appear calm, looking around. I then woke up.
many thanks for sharing...🙏
It's a pleasure. Please what's your take on the interpretation of the dream?
I don't give "free" interpretations in the comments section. Please set up an appointment for that. If you'd like a comment about your dream, then follow the guidelines I have outlined on the site. If I have the time to make a comment, then I will. I have offered you a lot of free information. Take advantage of that.
This post was amazing. Really brought me a lot of clarity. Thank you.
If I could offer my own example that ties in a lot of what you outline in this article.... I dreamt last night that I had started dating a new friend from work, and went to the bar with him and another new friend (both unknown to me in waking life). At some point at said bar, I went to the bathroom, and when I opened the door, found the new friend and boyfriend having sex. I left the bar and the dream feeling incredibly hurt and betrayed. I woke up this morning really emotional about my name and my own individuality.
Would you interpret this as a sign that I’m starting to get in touch with my subconscious but worried I’ll let myself down?
Hi Sarah, thanks for sharing. No, no! That is a literal interpretation of your dream. Remember, all parts of the dream are related to you - parts of your own soul.
You find these two inner figures sexually intertwined. Translated psychologically: this unknown friend (assuming she's a woman) is a shadow figure. She is with this man and not your dream ego. Remember, the dream says she is your new friend.
The dream could be saying that your shadow is aligned with this inner masculine and you must integrate her qualities into your conscious personality. Work out who and what she is to you. Whatever it is will be unknown. I would suggest reading my post on the Shadow to help you in that process.
So I had this dream in an unknown place almost like a party setting but very chill with people I didn't know. I dressed up....very chill but still dressed up; had my hair freshly done, nice chill fit, and Jewelry. This very tall guy bout 6'8 with the biggest most beautiful Afro came up to me to try to talk to me, flirty and all. I flirted back & we both had on all black. I was flattered. BUT...when he came up to me his face was very beat up but I could also tell he was very handsome. Him & his other were beat up in the face like they just got out of a fight. But he came up to me with such confidence and charm. He also to me he was 14 years old. So I'm 31 in real life. I was very confused. I asked him why are you trying to get with me you're only 14?? He ignored my question. Also he didn't look 14 at all maybe 21 22. Then my dream cuts into a next scene. We're in the same place/party. I see the tall handsome guy with the huge fro but this time his face was not beat up and I noticed he wore colors in stead of all black. I went up to him and said " Hi, remember me from the party? Mind you we're still In this party. He looks at me with a tilted head squints his eyes and says 'no I don't remember you at all' and goes to say he's a manager at some place will fixing himself up to leave to go manage. So I thought he can't be 14!!. Also in this next scene I'm not as done up as I was in the first scene. Thank you for reading. I feel like I know a little bit of the interpretation but I would love your input. Thank you!
Hi Briana...funny when the unconscious produces this kind of image: the young man with an older woman. So, you say that you have an idea about the meaning, based on having read this post, what is it?
Well to me it seems that he is a reflection of my subconscious like you mentioned or my inner child. The guy being confident & charming while underage and a beat up face shows and tells me he doesn't care what I think or people think of him he's still very confident because he also stayed at the party. His presence was also overpowering 6'8 with a huggggge Afro. So I'm getting that maybe I don't nurture or pay any or that much attention to that side of myself...that confident side or express it as I should. I'm very reserved. So maybe that's why in the next scene I asked him did he remember me and he said no. I'm just now thinking this.. because I didn't understand the 2nd part of the dream..also him saying he's a manager. I'm guessing that has to do with confidence too. Like 'I'm a manager at 14' :).. Is this similar to what you had in mind? I don't usually interpret my dreams but this one stood out, so I will be doing it more often when I can remember them. Thank you!
So I had this dream tonight. here I was at a rooftop of a parking garage, I saw a girl and felt a strong love at first sight, I haven't felt like that in years, so I approached her. She seemed really depressed and neglected and could barely articulate while talking to me. I asked her some questions, because I wanted to help her and show her that I liked her. My final question to her I clearly remember: Where do you stay I asked, she became really emotional and replied to me that she slept in the cargo hold of a container ship. Suddenly she jumped up and slit my throat with a knife. It all seemed so real, when she slit my throat my vision became blurry and felt I was bleeding to death. I really thought I was gonna die, but I actually wasn't scared of death nor did I blame her for slitting my throat. It was dark but I felt at peace, I searched on the web and read things about the separate themes but nothing like this. Maybe someone here can tell me more about this?
I had a dream that l moved into a new place and a little bit of time went by and things started happening (ghost activities), fast forward; l was told to say, “go away you’re not welcome here” (in my dream), l would say that phrase over and over, but things still continued to move around, l eventually took a different approach & started to ask “what’s your name”, “what do you need” or “what can l do for you” kinda things. Eventually, it got to the point where a ghost in the form of a baby approached me, let me hug and hold it and then, a big bright light popped up and the baby was gone.. In my dream and when l woke up, l was crying uncontrollably; it’s been bothering me trying to figure out what this means, l don’t know of anyone dying recently, especially any babies... The only thing, l have going on in my life is, I’m in the process of moving and I’m having to stay in a one bedroom motel with my kids for the time being until, the new place is ready, so been stressed out..
Hi.
Was wondering if you could help me interpret my dream
I heard the buzzer go. I went there a older lady said .. ‘is .... there, I’ve been looking for him and I thought I might find him here.. I’m his aunt’
I went silent, she said hello are you calling him and I said oohhhh come up and buzzed her in
(The known guy is the person I’ve been seeing since July but in January he told me his not really for a relationship but he won’t let me go)
I called him and Convo as follows
‘Umm your aunt is here’
‘Ohhh okay she’s abit mad and she’s ill. I think he said cancer I’m not sure ‘
She was small and Chunky and when she came in she said something that made me and him on the phone laugh sooo much. And then I woke up ??♀️??♀️??♀️
I don’t really know too much about him to know his family I’m jus so confused